I don’t know, what I’m doing wrong. If I’m being myself and social (for once in my life), I’m clingy, and obtrusive.
If I’m just hanging around with my mouth shut, then I’m boring and antisocial. Why is there no place in this world where I can be myself? Why are people I haven’t done shit to sitting there and talking shit behind my back?
They tell you all these fucked up things, to make you angry and jealous. How nice of your friends, really.
And you let them do it, and afterwards we fight because you think I’ve cheated on you, that I don’t love you and so on…
I won’t fucking cheat on you. I am way too scared of losing you.
My friends? Oh god where to begin?
I always have to be the one thinking about their feelings, because if I don’t I’m a bad friend and friends don’t act like I do (not that I know what I’m doing that is so horribly wrong), but they never stop to think about their own behaviour, no. When they do somethig, I’m not allowed to feel hurt, and show it because friends don’t do that. If I don’t tell them about everything (not because I don’t want to but because I’ve vad too much going on at once), I am suddenly once more a bad friend. Even though they haven’t been telling me shit for a longer period of time.
No, I just have to shut up and take all the bullshit life is throwing at me, and think about others and their feelings.
Yeah, only thing is, you all have it so good but you don’t even know it. There is so much you people don’t know. No, you all just assume you know why I act like I do.
I don’t need all this bullshit, really. I’m getting it enough from my fucked up parents (or rather, whole damn family).
I am all alone. Sure, I’ve got family and friends. It’s fine as long as I’m in croatia, friends and family with me all the time. Then we have reality, my reality at home in Sweden. I don’t really have anyone, I’m always left alone. It’s in my fucking DNA, this loneliness.
It doesn’t matter what I do, I’m always gonna ens up alone. What have I done to deserve this?
